This month was a little harder for me. I REALLY thought this would be the month where we see those two pink lines again. I had some menstrual symptoms that were very similar to how I felt when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I wanted it to be the month and I prayed that it would be. Following our miscarriage so many people told me that it would be easier to get pregnant, at least it was for them and I really held on to that. That glimpse of hope in the darkness helped me to get through our loss a little bit easier, hoping that would be the case for us too.
It sounds like such a short time and to a lot of woman it is, two months is a fraction of the time that some wait to conceive. When you’re going through it though it seems like forever. You wait and wait only to be disappointed by getting your period that consist of everything BUT joy! You’re frustrated. You question everything you do and if it’s effecting you in getting pregnant. You want so bad for it to happen, while also being scared of the possible loss that you may experience again. With all of the emotions you’re also constantly being told to have patience, not to stress, that it will happen when its supposed to happen, etc. All the things that we KNOW and are without a doubt trying to do. We are just frustrated and tired of waiting for something that isn’t happening and that we have absolutely no control over. No matter how easy it seems on the outside, there is no way to just shut off your mind and let things happen when you so badly want a baby, it isn’t that simple.
With all that being said…I am praying every single day, doing nightly yoga which I think helps me so much to decompress and slow down my mind. I am taking care of my body, working out and eating right, and I’m tracking my ovulation while not being overly obsessed with it. I know that it is not in my control…when God blesses us with a little babes it will be the absolute perfect moment. Until then I will continue to focus on the things that I can control and do my best to be patient for what God has in store for us.
If you’re going through something similar just know that you are not alone. You don’t always have to be on top of your game. This is NOT an easy journey, its emotionally and physically draining but I believe our little miracles are coming, so hold tight sister.
xoxo, Taylor G.